I came off the pill after 15 years and started getting long-hidden symptoms

Sitting in the clinical consulting room, I waited for the sonographer to break the tense silence.

She was looking at my ovaries on the screen and I was hoping she’d be able to tell me why I hadn’t had a period since coming off the pill seven months ago. 

And then she uttered some words that made my heart sink.

‘I can see lots of cysts on both your ovaries.’ She said and I instinctively knew what this could mean – that I may have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).

This whole thing had started in December 2022 when I’d made the decision to stop taking contraception so that my husband, Rob, and I could try for a baby.

Having a family was so important to us. We love children and I have always wanted to be a mother.

But we had to delay trying for a baby for a while due to Rob sadly losing his dad to brain cancer in July 2020. Now though, we were ready.

We’d been married nearly four years and, at 34-years-old, I knew time was not exactly on my side.

So, for the first time in 15 years, I came off the pill and waited excitedly for my body to get back to ‘normal’ and for my period to arrive.

I hoped I would fall pregnant with our first child quickly, yet a month passed with no appearance from Aunt Flow, then another and then another.

Before I knew it, almost seven months had passed with no sign of my cycle’s return – and no, there was no chance I was already pregnant.

That wasn’t even the strangest thing though. I also started to notice some excess hair growth on my face and hormonal acne. And somehow I’d gained weight despite not changing my diet.

Concerned, I spoke to my GP who then referred me for blood tests and the ovarian scan in June 2023.

In the meantime, my GP said my blood tests showed I had low sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG) – a protein that binds hormones – which can lead to an excess of either testosterone or oestrogen. 

Walking in for my scan I was extremely nervous. My mum came to the appointment to support me. 

Although the sonographer could not confirm at that moment that I had PCOS, I knew that having cysts was one of the key symptoms. 

PCOS has three main defining features; irregular periods, high levels of ‘male’ hormones in your body called androgens and fluid-filled sacs that surround the eggs meaning sometimes ovulation cannot take place.

This scan meant I had the signs of PCOS. The blood tests confirmed that I had a hormone imbalance and the scan finalised my diagnosis.

The news devastated me but there was hope with possible treatments. However, I was worried about telling Rob. He was sad but also extremely supportive. 

Now, we were faced with a diagnosis that could impact our chances at conceiving. As a result, I felt highly anxious, sad, scared and frustrated for a long time afterwards. I still do at times.

How could this have been missed? What did it mean for our future and having a family? 

We’d been so prepared for other parts of starting a family – the cost, the change in lifestyle and not to mention the fact that, as someone living with bipolar disorder, we may face extra challenges giving birth – but it never entered my mind that I could have another chronic condition that could affect my ability to conceive naturally or via IVF.

But I was not going to give up. Although the news was so upsetting and PCOS is a chronic, life long condition, I knew that I wanted to regulate my periods again if I could and start being more active.

I began to change my lifestyle through exercise and healthy eating and started taking various supplements such as myo-inositol, vitamin d and omega 3, which helps to regulate menstrual cycles.  

Luckily my periods returned in August 2023, but they are every two months.

I’m now 35 and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t worry me.

Technically speaking I am considered a ‘geriatric mum’ – mainly because by age 37 a woman’s egg reserves totals around 25,000 remaining (down from 2million at birth) – and because my PCOS raises the risk of various things including miscarriage, even if I fall pregnant, there are still no guarantees, although I am hopeful.

I pray that everything will be alright, but I’m also prepared for the fact that we may need further fertility treatment down the line.

My only regret is not knowing about PCOS sooner. The pill is not to blame for that, but despite it being such a common condition – 1 in every 10 women in the UK has it – I personally don’t feel it is talked about enough, especially when you go on the pill as I did for my mental health

There is hope, of course. It can be treated and many people with PCOS go on to have beautiful families. I just hope that we get to be one of them.

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